Trying to stay positive

I'm trying to stay positive, but I still hate my hair. I know I shouldn't even write or say that, but it's true. I think it's growing longer, but I don't feel like it's getting thicker. I still see a lot of breakage and shedding when I rollerset. I am 5 weeks post relaxer, so maybe that's the reason. I usually don't go longer than 6 weeks, but I'm going 8 weeks this time.

I'm mostly mad because I know I am the one to blame. I've been stressed as ISH lately about a number of personal things I have going on. Also, I washed my hair last night and although I said I wouldn't use evoo anymore, I used the last bit of my ayurvedic oil pre-poo mix with evoo and the last of my deep conditioner mixed with olive oil just so I wouldn't waste it. I thought it would be okay since I also put the rest of my Jazzing mocha rinse in (which did nothing to cover my platinum hairs or make my hair look thicker) before I DC'd. My hair came out shiny, but kinda scraggly and hard. I softened it up a bit with moisturizer, but I still don't like it. Okay, my hair hates olive oil- I just need to accept it.

On top of that, I had to get on a plane this morning, which is always drying for my hair. My girl V picked me up from the airport, and of course her hair looked fabulous. This is really starting to wear on my confidence..When I got to my dad's house, I put more moisturizer on it, pincurled it for an hour or so and when I combed it out, it looked a little better. There will be a lot of family around this weekend and I don't want to look busted, especially since I haven't seen everyone in a while. I can't even wear my half wig, because my new growth does not match. V said her sister could do my hair, but I'm not going for that. For one, I don't trust stylists anymore and I'm afraid she'll convince me to cut my hair. The other reason is that I just washed last night and I don't want more shampoo in my hair stripping it of the little moisture it has.

I thought about getting braids or a weave, but then I remembered that my hair hates braids too. Every time I get braids, my hair grows, but the ends get so damaged that I have to cut the same amount of length that I grew. Plus, I'm on a job search and I don't want to wear braids on any inteviews. Aarrgh! I'm sick of complaining about my hair, even if it is in my own personal journal.
Before I end this, I have to think of the positive: at least my hair is growing. I do have a good amount of new growth, which I contribute to all of the water and carrot juice I've been drinking, the multivitamins I've been taking every day, and the daily 1-2 mile walks with my dog.